just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
