i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
how does that bad decision feel?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
