Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
