but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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