i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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