I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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