Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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