Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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