Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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