When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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