It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wish you could order shots online.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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