you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
