remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i love accidental penises.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
