some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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