at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
