I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
