I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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