Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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