Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
