I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
