I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
