omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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