I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
