WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
