It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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