I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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