I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
