It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Someone signed my nipple.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
