she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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