I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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