...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
