i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
