It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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