She said her name was "party"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
