You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
