No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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