things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
