I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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