he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I can tuck mytits in my pants
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
