I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
