he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my shit smells like andre
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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