I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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