let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
