Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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