I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
