So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
