I feel like abortions should bother me more
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The uberlube is also flammable
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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