everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
