think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
