Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
