I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
