Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
