Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
