guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
