As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize