Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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