A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
