Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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