guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
