You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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