I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize