While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
