farters have to be the big spoon...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize