Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
