We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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