I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
