His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
