I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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