Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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