I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
