would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
